How Single Mothers Lead to Broken, Insecure Men
The man and wife combo is still undefeated.
The temptation of every mother is to treat her boys like defective girls. She will try to repress his strength, to smother his masculinity. Either they don’t understand what their future men will be capable of, or they understand perfectly and are afraid. Every attempt to manage this fear and uncertainty will chip away chunks of a boy’s masculinity. Scolding. Shrill lectures. Prioritization of safety over adventure.
Even single mothers with the best intentions, approaching the problem with both eyes open, will cause harm because it is non-negotiable that at least some of a boy’s teachers and authority figures be men.
Boys raised in this type of environment act out in two ways.
The Boy Chafes Under Feminine Authority
Boys who chafe under their mother’s authority begin to ignore it or resent it. He knows he is stronger than his mother. Why should he listen?
He knows his masculinity is not a bug but a feature, but no one has taught him how to hone it. He is more likely to think that “might makes right.” Sometimes, these boys grow up despising women.
This is how we get true toxic masculinity. The real kind, caused by an absence of actual masculinity. These boys will always be seeking out the male leadership they so desperately crave and so will be susceptible to grifters and flatterers. Some are lucky and find good male mentors. Or they learn from smaller mistakes.
The others live a short life or end up in prison.
The Boy Becomes Subdued and Feminized
All of his rough edges are gone. His mother has succeeded in pacifying him. He will always be looking for the approval of women in everything he does and will probably be ensnared by the first girl who sleeps with him.
These boys have "failed to launch." They are the white knights who always stick up for the wrong woman and the wrong causes. They know they were born to fight, but they were never taught how to fight or which causes are worth fighting for. So their fights are only online, and their adventures only in video games.
Fathers Matter
Boys need to be forged. And a woman cannot wield the proper tools to do the forging. It must be done by other men.
Above all, it must be done by a boy's father. Untrained masculinity is a raging fire. It must be directed and housed under wise supervision without smothering it. Boys must be taught how to be dangerous. Don't smother your son with low expectations. Remember that 14-year-old boys used to be officers at sea.
Consider a rite of passage. Make sure your sons are taking on some markers of masculinity.
Fathers matter for girls, too, but it causes different problems and requires different solutions. A girl, if tended with care, will naturally blossom with feminity.
Fatherhood is part of the foundation of the world. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t matter. That you are superfluous. God gave you your children for a reason.
Be a man yourself, the masculine presence in the home. Communicate it properly. Love your wife, and make sure the shadow of your authority stands behind her in all that she does. Take responsibility for yourself and others.
Conclusion
This is not to hate on mothers, who are, of course, important. Boys need both a mother and a father in the home. Nor is it to browbeat the hard-pressed single mothers trying to do their best.
This post is meant to remind fathers that they matter, far more than they probably think. Don’t walk away. Don’t give up your children without a fight.
And for single mothers who want the best for their sons, be aware of the gaps you’re leaving in your son, and seek out healthy ways to fill them.