Rites of Passage for Your Sons

Why you need them and how to start preparing.

What does it mean to be a man?

When does a boy know that he has become a man?

These are important questions that our modern culture fails to answer. Even inside the church, answers are sparse. We have done a terrible job directing boys toward manhood.

Is it any wonder that they wander? Is it really a surprise that they act out in destructive ways or become feminized?

We complain of extended adolescence in boys that lasts until their mid-twenties…but do they know any better? Do we know any better? Especially with so many boys raised by single mothers who, even with the best of intentions, will fail to teach healthy masculinity.

Even primitive cultures knew how to answer this question, however imperfectly. A boy would become a man after he lasted a night in the wilderness alone. Or if he proved himself useful in a dangerous hunt. Once they passed through this gauntlet, they were treated as men. They could join the councils, get respect, and were expected to begin putting away childish things.

A boy must have some kind of rite of passage. If he can’t prove himself to the respectable men in his life, he will try to prove himself to the foolish men in his life.

What follows are some parameters for a rite of passage and a sample one I’ve created for my own boys.