You Have to Follow Through
Especially when you don't feel like it.
This is the paradox of disciplining your kids: You’re only qualified to do it when you don’t feel like doing it. If emotions are running high and you just really want to let your kid have it, that is the wrong time to discipline.
So parents tend to discipline when they shouldn’t and let things slide when they shouldn’t. And so they exasperate their kids.
My son had started turning on his reading light after bedtime and reading a book to his little brother. I Iiked the instinct, but they already had a late bedtime precisely so they had time to read.
So I reminded him of that. He wasn’t allowed to read after bedtime and the lights were out. If he wanted to read, he needed to use his time before bed differently.
A few days later, thirty minutes after I had tucked the boys in, voices drifted through their door. He was reading to his brother.
I stood at the door and listened for a few minutes. I didn’t want to punish him. I debated with myself. In the end, I had to force myself to turn the knob, open the door, and just do it. Anything else would be abdicating my responsibility.
My son, of course, was upset to learn he would not be allowed to play video games the next day.
“What’s wrong with reading!?”
“Nothing. But there is a big problem with direct disobedience.”
I told him his instincts were good. He should want to read, and reading to his brother was a good thing. When I was a kid, I got in trouble for the same thing. Multiple times. But there is a time and place and context for everything. He already got to stay up later than most kids.
Every fiber of my soul wanted to let things slide, but that would have done more harm than good. It would have shown that my words were hollow. And your children must never think your words are hollow.
