You should be able to have a conversation with anybody. If you think you are high above a certain class of people, or that you think thoughts too grave and mighty for the peasants, you’ll come off as an insufferable boor.
And worse, you’ll attribute your unpopularity to your imagined greatness instead of your very real pride. You don’t hate small talk. That’s just an excuse you make for your lack of effort and lack of interest in other people.
A man knows how to talk to people. He knows how to make them feel valued and interesting. It is no virtue to be unable to relate to your fellow men.
To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.
1 Corinthians 9:20-22
That verse is about sharing the gospel, but the principle still applies. The point is not to be a chameleon, but to understand other people enough so you can establish common ground.
That means knowing a little about “sportsball,” especially when the season is at its peak.
That means knowing a little about video games. It’s the largest entertainment market on the planet, far surpassing Hollywood years ago. No excuses.
That means knowing a little about the latest television shows and movies. Even the never-ending shows about Chicago on CBS that get monster ratings but no one under 60 seems to know much about.
You don’t have to do research like a nerd. Ideally (and this is key), you’re learning this from other people. They mention something, and instead of sneering because you’ve heard it’s slop or have never heard of it yourself, you perk your ears up and ask questions. You act interested. You mimic their enthusiasm.
That means being curious. About the world around you. About the person in front of you. If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t care, get good at pretending to care while you pull the enormous stick out of your ass. Believe it or not, interested people become interesting people.
You should be able to find common ground with anybody. You’re both human, after all.
What does this have to do with Unicorns?
In The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis, there is a beautiful scene where Jewel, a unicorn, is stuck spending time with a donkey. In Lewis’ world, this Unicorn has seen many battles and is a good friend to the king, yet he is not aloof.
Jewel, being a Unicorn and therefore one of the noblest and most delicate of beasts, had been very kind to [the donkey], talking to him about things of the sort they could both understand like grass and sugar and the care of one’s hoofs.
Being unable to strike up a conversation and be comfortable around people you think are beneath you is not sophistication. It is barbarism wrapped in faux civility.
True nobility is like the Unicorn: it comes down and makes common ground, and does it so effortlessly that the donkey doesn’t notice. You see this in Jane Austen’s novels as well, where the nobility knows how to chat with the basest of peasants. In Emma, Mr. Knightly seems to spend a large portion of his time talking to people of lower classes and engaging them in conversation, even if they are insufferable.
Being able to talk to anyone is an aristocratic virtue. If you think that virtue is beneath you, you might be a poorly disguised misanthrope.
You have something in common with every human being on the planet.
So act like it.