A Practical Way to Love Your Daughter

Exercising veto power over her wardrobe.

Photo by Skyler Ewing

If your daughter doesn’t think she is beautiful, that’s your fault. A father should be telling his girls that they are beautiful every chance he gets.

And he will have many, many chances. Girls want validation. They desire it most from their father, and a good father will provide that attention and validation.

When a girl gets dressed, she will often present herself to her father and ask, “Do I look ok?” or “How does this look?” Now, some men can be very obtuse when it comes to what women want, even young ones, but when a young girl does this, she is not speaking in secret code. A wife will also ask her husband these same questions because she wants similar things, though she might expect the husband to rattle off a rote response. But not a young girl. A young girl will take it to heart.

She is begging for validation. So give it to her. Tell her she’s beautiful, that she looks great. But this is also an opportunity to show even greater love. What if she is wearing too little? What if her clothes are inappropriate?

You exercise veto power and tell her to change. It might annoy her, but if you have filled up your checking account with lots of affirmations and tender affections, she’ll know it comes from a place of love. And here’s the important part.

She’ll know you really pay attention to her and that you take her appearance seriously.

You don’t have to do this in a mean way.

“You’re always beautiful, but that skirt is way too short. You don’t need to show off your legs for attention.” Be loving but firm.

And if you think you’ll just cut this problem off at the pass and make sure nothing immodest ever gets in her wardrobe, remember that she gets gifts from other people. She might have her own money. Her mother might be naive about these things and buy something without thinking. Or, she simply outgrew something that used to be modest.

Certainly, pay attention to her closet and do your best to keep it wholesome, but pay more attention to the girl standing in front of you. Complete and undivided. A well-time wardrobe veto proves you are doing so and that you care. And that will water her soul.