You Are Part of the Argument

Whether you like it or not.

Any argument you make, you are part of it. How you look, how you dress, how you act, how you project your voice, how you sneer, and how you smile. It’s unavoidable.

It doesn’t matter if what you are saying is the truest phrase ever spoken. Those words come filtered through your lungs and mouth. People will make assumptions based on where the words are coming from and judge accordingly.

Imagine you step up to a lectern to speak on matters of life and death, and you have honed your eloquence such that even the devil would weep at your words. But you’re wearing a bright red clown nose with splashes of white paint on your cheeks. And then, when you step out to make an important point, your pants fall down to your ankles.

Will that affect how people consume your words? Of course.

The same is true of fatherhood. You are always part of the argument, and your kids are watching what you do all the time.

Do you tell them to control their temper but then froth at the mouth when you get upset?

Do you tell them to be honest, then lie when it’s convenient?

Do you want them to be grateful but then grumble through a meal your wife has cooked?

Do you want them to apologize when they are in error, but you never apologize yourself, always pushing it aside as if it’s no big deal?

Do you want them to spend less time on screens while you slouch on the couch, watching football?

You are part of the argument. They are always watching you.

If you only want to browbeat them into obedience, raw power is all that’s required. But eventually, they will move away, out from under your power, and do whatever they want.

During the few years you have them, after the concrete is poured and still hardening, you are making an argument for the standard by which you want them to live. You must persuade them to love the standard. You must woo them to choose your standard over the others trying to seduce them. To choose that standard, even when it’s difficult.

And you will always be part of the argument you are making.

For a fun overview of rhetoric and persuasion, watch this video: