The Reward for Whining

It's simple.

There should be a reward for whining, and it should be consistently distributed every time one of your kids begins with the martyr routine. What is that reward?

More of what they are whining about.

Are they whining about a chore they have to do? They get another chore they have to do immediately after.

Are they whining about schoolwork? They just earned another 15 minutes of Math worksheets.

Are they whining about having to stop playing video games? They don’t get to play video games at all tomorrow. Do they whine about that? Make it a week. Casually up the ante, remaining calm and business-like until they get the message.

Whining should never be accommodated. Ever. You don’t negotiate with terrorists. Remember, you get more of what you subsidize. Always.

Just imagine your child at 25 years old, whining about the same things, making the same complaints in that self-pitying voice. It’s ugly, isn’t it? So don’t let them get away with it now. Do them the favor of excising that habit from their lives early. Better they are disciplined by someone who loves them now than awkwardly ignored, ridiculed, and avoided when they are older because their squeaky wheel won’t stop.

But you should also check how you are contributing to their whining. They are probably just mimicking you. You are probably a little more sophisticated at it, with a more even tone, less stomping of the feet, bigger words that conceal instead of reveal, but it is whining nonetheless.

Do you complain about your boss at the dinner table?

Do you complain about the weather after you mowed the lawn?

Do you complain about the elders at your church?

When something is slightly wrong at a restaurant, do you complain and “talk to the manager” until you get your way?

Most adults are serial whiners, so it’s not a surprise that their children learn the same habits of discontentment.

So stop whining yourself. Don’t reward it in yourself. Don’t indulge in it.

And then never reward it when your children do it.