Marking Time With Rewards And Responsibilities
Go beyond birthdays with intentional milestones of achievement.
When speaking of milestones, I’m not speaking of things your pediatrician might measure or ask about. First words, first crawl, first steps, first solid food, etc. Those are important, but are mainly for the parents.
The milestones I’m talking about are something that marks an accomplishment or the passing of time, which also brings greater responsibility. Birthdays are natural milestones, though often lacking because they don’t usually require anything from the child. You should still celebrate birthdays, of course, but think about something more.
Here are a few examples I’ve implemented myself.
Reading Milestone
Whenever a child learns to read, they get a brand new Bible with their name on it. They get to pick out the color and style. This milestone usually happens around 6 years old, though it might vary from child to child.
With this new Bible comes some extra responsibility. They now need to keep up with it. They need to have it ready for nightly devotions. They need to take it to church.
It’s both a reward and a call to keep growing—the best type of milestone. It gives them something to shoot for and look forward to. They have seen their older siblings and parents with Bibles and want to be like them.
They don’t have to read perfectly, of course. It’s a judgment call. But if they have gone through the regimen, we think they can reasonably sound out most words phonetically, and it’s clear they could read most of the picture books on the shelf by themselves, they are ready for their own Bible.
Financial Milestone
Another one has to do with finances. Once a child turns 13, they get their own checking account and debit card. Before, we kept up with their non-cash money and helped track how much they had left, teaching them certain principles. Now, all of that money, plus something extra for their birthday, is put into a separate account, and it is now their responsibility to keep track of their own money and transactions.
They also have to keep up with their debit card. If they want to buy something, but didn’t bring their debit card or cash, they don’t get to buy it. It usually takes only one or two disappointments before they learn that lesson. We also no longer answer them directly if they want to know how much money they have. They should know.
Each child gets their own YNAB account to budget their money and save up for what’s important to them. We don’t stop guiding and helping, but offer gentle reminders and warnings. We also make sure they set aside some funds to give to the church and for gifts.
Other Ideas For Milestones
For the boys, once they get strong enough to push the lawnmower, they start helping me mow the lawn. And they get paid a little money for it. Reward and responsibility.
Using the oven by yourself is another potential milestone. Some families I know give their kids a knife or a gun once they prove they are responsible enough to use it. Our culture has some built-in milestones like getting a driver’s licence, which bestows freedom along with a heaping mound of responsibility.
Be creative. Have fun. Never forget the reward aspect of the thing.
For boys, consider a more formal rite of passage that marks their transition to manhood. The reward is recognition and more autonomy.
Remember that your boys are probably more capable than you think. Don’t be afraid to challenge them.