How to Lift Up Other Fathers
Two simple questions anyone can ask.
Modern society hates fathers.
It tears us down at every chance it gets. Fathers are always the butt of jokes and they are always emasculated in modern media. Notable exceptions prove the rule.
The idea of honoring one’s father is laughable. Even though we ostensibly have a day to do so, Father’s Day, it simply doesn’t have the gravitas or intention of Mother’s Day.
In fact, step into any given church on that day, and you are more likely to see the preacher disparaging fathers instead of honoring them. At best, perhaps they ignore them.
The modern world hates any kind of authority in general, and so it is no surprise that it hates fathers. It hates their potential. It hates their importance. Families follow their fathers (for better or for worse), and as the family goes, so goes the rest of the culture.
And we are in the middle of one long patricide. From the outside, marriage and fatherhood can look like a suspicious deal, offered by some guy in a trenchcoat, whispering from the darkness of an alley.
How do we fight back against this tide?
First, we work toward the goal of more people honoring God the Father, and some of that attitude will cascade down for those who share the name “father.” Hatred of God is usually a thinly-disguised hatred of an earthly father, and despising an earthly father will often follow from despising the heavenly Father.
Second, in our daily life, we ensure we are not undercutting our fellow fathers’ authority. There is one question you can ask that cuts to the heart of the matter.
What is that question?
“What does your father think?”
This should be your first question for any person who comes to you for advice, especially if they are younger.
Should they wear that outfit?
“What does your father think?”
What school should they go to?
“What does your father think?”
Should they get a tattoo?
“What does your father think?”
Having trouble deciding on a career path?
“What does your father think?”
And if they don’t know, you should urge them that their next step should be to find out exactly what their father thinks. If they know and disagree and want you to listen while they complain, do not give in to the temptation to be the “understanding mentor” who tickles their ears with exactly what they want to hear. Listen. Ask questions. Use a deft touch.
But do not affirm their complaining. If you have real concerns, talk directly to the father, man to man.
Fathers have the ultimate responsibility for their households, and we should act as if that were true.
The corollary to this question is similar, and usually falls to the women.
“What does your husband think?”
If a young wife comes to you agonizing over a decision, desperate for advice, your first question to her should be: “What does your husband think?”
And if she doesn’t know, the conversation should stop right there, until she does know. The temptation for every women’s group is to complain about husbands, often descending into whining and trite affirmations. If you’re a woman part of one of these groups, break the cycle. Speak only good words about your own husband in public. Encourage the others to do the same. Titus 2:3-5 has many applications, but this is certainly one of them.
Why is this important? It’s not only for the morale of our fellow men and the health of their families. It’s for our future fathers and husbands. Those who will take the torch and keep the fire burning.
Young men flock to vocations where they perceive they will get respect. It is not whether a man will pursue glory or not, but rather which glory he will pursue.
If we want our young men to take up the responsibility of being a father, we need to show respect to the men who have already taken up that responsibility. As we near the end of our race, and the flame is sputtering in the wind, we want someone to hand it off to. Someone who will feed the fire, keep the pace, and run the next leg with gusto.
And asking the right question, at the right time, is one great way to ensure this happens.