Do What You Want

The end of all parenting.

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Augustine wrote, “Love God and do what you will.” If you truly love God, your desires will be aligned with His desires, your vision of good will match up with His vision of good, and what you see as beautiful will also be what He thinks is beautiful.

If all of these are aligned, then doing what you want will mean the same thing as doing what God wants. Far from being a license to sin, “do what you will” is a statement about the transformative nature of true love…and how we obviously fall short of it. It’s another way of saying that if you love God, you will not only keep his commandments, but desire to do them with all of your heart, not grudgingly or while mumbling.

The son has become like the Father.

Now bear with me as I make a short hop, though it may seem at first like I’m trying to leap across the Grand Canyon with a wobbly vaulter’s pole.

Early on in the anime Frieren (which I’ve written about elsewhere), the main character is teaching a young girl on the ways of life and magic. At one point, the girl wants to keep practicing, despite Frieren’s protestations. Dangerous, destructive magic that could go wrong if wielded improperly. But the girl makes a good argument, and Frieren concedes.

But she concedes in a way that echoes Augustine.

Frieren: “Do you remember everything I’ve taught you so far?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Frieren: “Good. Then do as you like.”

Our children will eventually grow up and make their own decisions. All we can do is teach them what we can, and all we can do, near the end of that time, is send them off with a similar exhortation.

“Remember everything I’ve taught you. Do as you like.”

Because absent a gun digging into their temple or poking them in the back, that’s all anyone will ever do. What they like. What they love and desire will guide their actions.

My son, keep your father's commandment,
and forsake not your mother's teaching.

Bind them on your heart always;
tie them around your neck.

When you walk, they will lead you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
and when you awake, they will talk with you.

Proverbs 6:20-22

If your children are going to remember your teaching, you must teach them to love the standard and internalize it, not just be outwardly obedient. You must win their hearts. Otherwise, they will abandon it as soon as they leave your home. They will do what they like.

You have your children only for a short while. You are a steward, not an owner. A servant of a higher power who has entrusted you with great responsibility, wrapped in a blessing.

You will eventually send them out into the world, and all you can expect is that they will do what they like. Their loves will guide them.

What have you taught them to love?