Most people aren’t going to cure cancer. They aren’t going to discover a new continent. They aren’t going to be an astronaut forging the way into a bold, new frontier. They won’t write the great American novel. They won’t even write a mediocre American novel.
There are still missionaries who go into dangerous parts of the world and risk their lives, but let’s be honest. Most people aren’t going to be doing that either.
For most people, the most important, consequential thing they will do with their lives is to have kids and raise them correctly. And yet, having children is the very thing that many people reject while at the same time complaining about meaningless lives.
They think children will hold them back when it’s really children that enlarge your heart and click extra gears into place. Some things get harder, but some things get easier, simply because you are forced to mature, and your muscles adapt to the new reality.
But really, how do you think children will hold you back? What part of your style will children cramp? How do you currently spend your copious amounts of free time?
Watching TV
Scrolling on your phone
Working longer hours for nobody in particular
Hanging out with co-workers (fake friends) after work
Sleeping in on Saturday mornings
You might cite traveling. While it’s true that traveling with children can be harder and more expensive, they can make that travel more meaningful.
What is the point of your traveling? You’ll make some nice memories, make less of an impact than the ant you accidentally stepped on in Italy, and then eventually take those memories to your grave. No one else cares about them. No one wants to see a slideshow of your trip. Even you won’t want to look at them very much after the initial high wears off.
It’s all vanity.
Unless, of course, your memories and pictures are also full of people you love. Unless they are also full of your children. The more people you share those memories with, the more valuable they are, the longer they remain vivid, and the more life they lend to your heart, because you shared them with pieces of your heart.
If you spend all of your free time volunteering at your church or at a homeless shelter or in some other service, you get a pass. But even then, that service would be so much more fun and meaningful with your children beside you. If you have such a heart and habit for service, you could pass it on to your kids and give those habits legs and longevity. How many more people could be helped over generations? How many lives could you touch, even while your body rots in the grave?
Having children and training up the next generation is the most important thing most people can do with their lives. There is no close second. It’s the clear winner, taking off its shoes and hitting the showers long before anything else has even finished the race. Even if they became a cancer-curing astronaut who writes the great American novel, their efforts would still come in a distant second place.
But here’s the good news.
Most people aren’t prepared for the joy that comes with raising children. They’ve been lied to about the costs and stress and sleepless nights and anxieties. Some of these things are real, but they are not the only real things. You must pull back the magnifying glass a bit and take in more of the horizon. You must take in the whole truth, not only the part.
And let me reiterate. You are not prepared for the joy that awaits you. I still get surprised.
Every time I come home from a trip, I walk in the door, set the luggage down, turn the corner, and my three kids are usually crammed together, trying to be the first to give me a hug. Our dog prances beside them, smacking them with his tail as they wait.
Coming home is always the best part of a trip.
Beyond that, it’s not true that kids will hold back a successful man. They’re more like rocket fuel to shoot them to new heights. It’s been well documented that, on average, men who are fathers make more than childless men, anywhere from 3% to 10%. Fathers also get a longevity bump and usually live longer.
Fatherhood looks good on most men.
And you will likely accomplish more as a father than you ever could as a childless man.
great post, thank you for sharing.