Parenting Hack #4: Predictable and Planned Time Together
The normal rhythm of life needs anchors.
See all the other posts in the Parenting Hacks series.
The hours go by and the days go by and the weeks go by. Suddenly, your oldest kid is a teenager, and you have no idea how it happened. There were so many things you wanted to do, and now its too late.
Most of our lives are made up of “normal,” and yet we let all our normal time go by without much thought. Take ownership of it.
Plan out regular and scheduled moments for your family. Build some collective habits. Some examples.
Dinner time - If you make an effort to do this, a lot of other things will fall into place. You should be spending the majority of your dinners around the table together. That means at least 4 times per week. You can show hospitality and include other people, but it should be centered around your own table. Regular dinner together has several benefits. Start here.
Reading time - Have a set time every night when you read out loud to your children. You can roll into it from dinner time or combine it with bedtime rituals but set a time each night when this will start. Again, you want this to happen the majority of the time, so at least 4 days per week. If you need more convincing, here are additional reasons to read out loud to your kids.
Special nights - While family dinners and reading time should be so regular that they are expected and don’t feel particularly special, be sure to plan at least one thing a week that breaks the rhythm a bit. This could be a board game night or a movie night. Or maybe you all go out for dessert. Lean into your proclivities and your family personality.
One-on-one time - Beyond spending time together as a family, you want to spend time alone with each kid and make it a regular part of your life. This can be anything. Lunch. A walk. A trip to the store. Whatever. Schedule at least one time per week to reserve for this purpose, and then rotate through your kids.
It should go without saying that in all of these examples, everyone should be fully present. No other screens. No doing something privately. This is family time, and it needs to be done together.
If you want to build a family culture, form inside jokes, and stop the years from slipping through your fingers, you have to take ownership of the “normal.” None of this is complicated. None of this requires great genius.
But it does require discipline and consistency. Many things will try to inject themselves into your “normal” and dictate or sabotage your efforts. Don’t let them.
Do a few simple things over and over, week after week, year after year.
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