Fatherhood Should Not Be the End of Your Life

If it is, then you had a lame life anyway.

Recently, a new father complained on Twitter about how “the walls really do close in” when you have kids. And then he posted this:

Justin Murphy @jmrphy

The hardest part of fatherhood is all the little things that go away, or become very hard to contrive. Like just getting high & drinking with a friend on a Saturday afternoon. You can say a man should put those things behind him, and you're right, but also... No.

Fatherhood should not be the end of your life. If you find yourself trapped in your house, something has gone seriously wrong that has nothing to do with fatherhood. It is, literally, a prison of your own making.

There are sacrifices to make. No one argues otherwise. For what you get in return, it’s a steal.

However, fatherhood is not the end of your life. If it is, then you had a pretty lame life, still in pursuit of vain and childish things. Leaving them behind is part of growing up, and if fatherhood helps you mature like this, so much the better.

Most of the bad reactions to the above tweet probably had to do with what the author was lamenting. “Getting high and drinking with a friend.” He wasn't lamenting the inability to travel the world. He wasn't lamenting the inability to go all-in on a business or go on an adventure. What he desired was lame, especially in comparison with his kid.

But here’s the secret that shouldn’t be a secret. You can still go out and do things. Nothing is stopping you from going to lunch with a friend. Nothing is stopping you from going to the gym. Nothing is stopping you from inviting your friends over to your house for a meal. Your life isn’t over.

We started taking our firstborn to our favorite Mexican restaurant when she was 2 months old. There is one waitress there who has seen her grow up and has seen all of our kids grow up. She loves it. My kids love it.

Include your kids instead of bemoaning the sacrifice. It will be worth it in the end.