If you have many sons but only one daughter, you can inadvertently cause her to beg for your attention. If she wasn’t your first child, this is a bigger danger, because you never learned to relate to her on her own, and all of your experience thus far has been mediated through your boys. Without knowing it, you could be emotionally neglecting her.
Even if an accident, you are responsible.
You are a father. You don’t get to coast along taking the path of least resistance. You must be intentional.
It’s often easier to relate to and play with your sons. You wrestle. You play football or other sports. You take them hunting. You do other boy things. All well and good. You should do those things and continue to do them.
But your daughter will want that same attention. She will want to join in.
Not because she necessarily wants to do those things, but because she wants your attention. If you are not careful, you can validate this call for attention by going along with the easy route: letting her play like she is one of the boys.
But you don’t want your daughter to be just another one of the boys. You want her to be a girl. Establishing these distinctions early on is important, especially in the current cultural climate that encourages children to mutilate themselves if they start to feel a little confused about some things. The world is hard enough for a girl to navigate without her father giving bad directions.
Don’t start relating to your daughter as if she is one of your sons. This can lead to resentment and insecurity. Be intentional about relating to her as your daughter.
How do you do this?
Live with her in an understanding manner. Be interested in her hobbies. Encourage her in feminine pursuits (praise her cookies, for example). When she talks, listen intently with no distractions. Show her plenty of affection.
Take her to lunch. Take her for walks. Encourage her to look to her mother for more activities, but you should still participate as much as possible.
Be prepared for late-night talks, because she’s spent the whole day building up the courage to ask you a question and bedtime is her last chance. I’ve lost count of how many hour-long conversations began at 10:30 at night, when I’m telling her goodnight and am about 5 seconds away from turning off the light. Some of them deep. Most of them personal. Expect this as she grows older and enters the teenage years. Lean in.
Don’t reward her forays into the masculine. But don’t make her beg for your attention by making forays into the masculine. If pretending to be a boy is the only way to get any positive attention from you, then she will pretend to be a boy.
Love her for who she is. Not for who she thinks you want her to be.
If you do this right, you’ll be amazed at how much she blossoms. A daughter’s confidence comes largely from her father and how secure she feels in that relationship. Don’t make her guess.