Marriage is not choosing your wife. It's choosing your wife every day.
By marrying your wife, you made an active choice. But you must keep making that same active choice every day for the rest of your life (or your spouse’s life).
If you live in a loveless marriage, it doesn’t matter that you chose your wife on your wedding day. You are not choosing her now.
If you let your eyes wander to other women, it doesn’t matter that you chose your wife on your wedding day. You are not choosing her now.
And if you follow the forbidden woman, it doesn’t matter that you chose your wife on your wedding day. You are not choosing her now.
As a man gets older and more accomplished, as he takes on more responsibility, he will get more attractive (to a point). Other women notice. Your wife certainly notices. Your prospects with other women often increase. Some men hit their prime in their mid-30s, and that’s usually after they’ve been married for a little while.
Yet your wife chose you before you gained all of this attractiveness. She chose you based on your potential. She chose you based on faith. Do you think she looked at you in your 20s, when you were still all zeal with minimal wisdom, and thought, “I hope he stays exactly the same, and never grows in strength and maturity”? She expected you to get better as you both grew older.
But as she gets older, her prospects will diminish. Unless the woman is drunk on the Eat, Pray, Love mentality, consuming a daily dose of divorce glorification from TikTok, she knows the truth. Unless you’re a complete loser, her “marrying up” would be like winning the lottery.
So, if you are not actively choosing her every day, she is rational in feeling a bit insecure. Men leave the wives of their youth for younger models all of the time. It’s a cliché. And while you might be quick to point out that “Women file for 70% of divorces!”, that’s just a number that doesn’t tell the whole story, and even if it did, there is still that pesky 30% remaining. Your responsibility as a husband remains the same.
Your wife wants you to get more attractive. That’s what she expected when she married you all those years ago. She wants other women to see how attractive you are. She wants to brag about the husband she chose.
It validates her choice. It validates the faith she put in you.
What your wife wants is for you to have lots of other options…and then choose her, no matter what. To choose her every day. To come home every day. To love her and cherish her, words still included in many vows. To desire her and listen to her as she rambles. To keep your word and maintain your frame, even when you told her “no.” Especially when you have told her no.
She chose you when you were still a boy.
Choose her after you have become a man.
